The last 8 days have been a further drama at my company, as we all received our comparative options - the salary offer to move to London, or leave the company and take the severance package. In my case, this has finally confirmed that I will not move to London, and will leave.From the moment the word "London" was mentioned as a location for my job, I knew it would not be easy to answer the question "why not just move to London?" positively. However, given my 16 years of service, I felt that I should at least keep an open mind.
That came crashing down when I was given the offer. It made very clear what the management think of me and my contribution, and gave me no option but to leave the company.
In some ways I knew this would be coming, I knew that probably I would be leaving. But when it came to writing the official letter to confirm it, it hurt me more than I could ever have imagined. Thinking theoretically about an end is a very different thing to putting it down in black and white, and hitting the "send" button.
Explaining it today to my Japanese colleagues was maybe the hardest thing so far. I have worked with Japanese people for over 15 years and I know that they understand the value of a long-term relationship. Their culture is to build up knowledge over a long period of time with people in your company who you know for decades. Your development and theirs are inter-dependent, and they value continuity, long-term knowledge and experience more than many other cultures.
It is always a push-and-pull to balance the needs of a Japanese manufacturer and its European sales company. A factory and a market have completely different requirements. The skill to balance those two is elusive. Together with Product Management over the years, a couple of European colleagues and I have managed to build the trust and help to work on balancing those two. It has resulted in a mutual trust between myself and Product Management which I value at the highest level. Short-term, things can go wrong. But long-term, we make it work.
Now I had to tell them that I will no longer be working with them. I had to tell them some details of why - the contrast between the offer to go to London, and the very interesting severance package. If I didn't tell them why, they would feel that I had let them down and was not committed. When they heard the basic details of my offer, I saw on their faces real empathy and sadness on my behalf, and genuine disappointment for their own business because of the unwanted breaking of this long relationship. It was a profound moment which I will never forget.
As I sat in the lobby of our office, clearly distressed, a colleague saw me and spent time to talk it through with me, very calmly, and to give me the support I needed at that moment (thanks, Edwin - those few minutes helped a lot). My life in the company is made up of many such moments and great colleagues, every one remembered and every one important.
Now my mind turns to how I can handle a farewell speech. This week, when I have explained to others what I will do, it has been a battle to keep emotions in check. I want to be professional, and supportive to others. But explaining that an association consisting of 16 years of my life is coming to an end is just hard.
How on earth will I manage that final farewell? The answer is - it will be what it will be. If I am emotional, so be it. By leaving something old behind, it makes space for the new. Life opens up and I have the chance, thanks to the severance package, to do what I really want to do.
The details of those next steps are for a later posting. For now, I reflect on the support and care I have been given by my Japanese friends today, together with all the support given by many friends in the company during the last weeks. For once, I don't have enough words to say what it means to me - just that it is so incredibly appreciated.
