Every time we mentioned to anybody that we would go to Bangkok, they said “don't bother, leave as quickly as possible, nothing to see.” But we found the whole experience of being there fascinating.The biggest surprise is that it's really modern. Thailand is a poor country but the capital is a well-kept, beautiful city. As we drove from the well-equipped airport, the highway took us past lovely monuments by the roadside. As you go deeper into the city, you see markets and rougher areas, but in better shape than we had seen in Lima and Buenos Aires. Our hostel was run by the gentlest people I have ever come across, and for 16 GBP we had a clean, airco'd room with a great bathroom (and three shower attachments, for some reason), firm bed and a free breakfast of fruit, cereal, eggs and toast.
Prices are incredibly low. You can buy s skewer of meat by the roadside for 20
pence/25 Euro cents, a bowl of Thai curry and rice for less than 2GBP/2.50 Euros, and the 40 minute taxi ride from the airport cost 8GBP/9Euros. In Amsterdam, the same journey would have cost around 8 times as much. Clothing and handicrafts are also incredibly cheap, with of course many fake brands. Nicki's fetish for Birkenstock sandals was fed by seeing a rack of them for 8 Euros, although when she tried them, the shape felt completely different to the real thing. The man at the stand looked down at her feet and said “you have originals. Sorry, These just lookey-likey.” Lovely.The people are incredibly sweet and friendly, so even when you are getting ripped off as a tourist, you feel OK. Our personal rip-off started at the airport, where we were offered a 4-hour city tour for just 10 Euros, with a guide and a driver – apparently run by the Thailand government tourist board. This turned out to be hilarious, as we took a 45 visit to a temple and then a 3 hour tour around various Kashmir carpet, jewellery and clothing shops. From the moment we got in, our guide Nancy started selling their services to book us a hotel in Phuket.
Nancy did tell us a bit about the country too. They have some similarities with UK – 62 million people, they drive on the left and they have a monarchy. However, the level that the king's presence is in your face is something else. As you leave the airport, there is a gold-leaved arch over the road with a picture of the king and his birthday date. It was back in December so they keep the decorations for some time, and similar homage was paid all around the city, with golden images of the royals along the side of the streets and car stickers in back windows with “We love the King” written in large letters.There is an amazing buzz about the city and there are a couple of main areas for the tourists – the shopping area (Khao san road) and the dodgy area (PatPhong). We started with shopping as the street was full of grizzled old hippies and young backpackers. Massage places – proper ones – offered half and hour for less than 3 Euros, and food stands, live music and street hawkers made it a great atmosphere.
But Bangkok is famous for its rough side too, and of course Nicki and I had to see it. I will try to put this as delicately as I can.
The taxi dropped us off in Patphong, and we
wandered around the streets with various offers of “sexy show”. We finally followed one iffy-looking guy down a side-street and up some stairs, and sat in a dimly-lit bar in front of a stage as three girls immediately came and sat with us – then left in 30 seconds, leaving two half-drunk glasses on the table. A selection of girls appeared on stage and in the most matter-of-fact way possible, then proceeded to eject ping pong balls and smoke out of various orifices. One squatted down and wrote “I Love You” surrounded by a heart with a marker pen on sheet of paper. She wasn't holding the pen in her hand. It was an oddly impressive skill, but sexy it was not.Then a bill was thrust under our faces – 80 quid! Without hesitation, both of us – inspired by Eric Cantona in “Looking for Eric” **(see below for reference) - said in stereo “NO!”. We'd drunk a beer each, and they wanted to charge us for the two cocktails, the girls talking to us, the show and our own drinks. Our negative vehemence paid off and we ended up paying 12 Euros for our two beers.
We scooted out and headed home soon after. One Night in Bangkok – all part of the experience.
**Eric Cantona has been one of my heroes for years. He won the English League in each of the 5 seasons that he completed, 4 with Manchester United. Yet he was a "flawed genius", who lost his temper for no apparent reason again and again on the football field, until the fateful night when he kung-fu kicked a racist abuse-hurling fan in 1995. He was banned for 8 months and yet came back, never lost his temper on the pitch again, won two more championships, and retired the exact right moment, at the age of 31. His transformation and his legendary status as a player was enigmatically wrapped up in a man who rarely spoke in English, so I have hardly ever heard him speak.
Imagine my joy when I heard about "Looking for Eric", a film by Ken Loach about a Manchester postman who finds his life running off the rails and starts smoking his son's pot. Cantona appears to him at these moments and gives him life-advice - its an utterly enthralling and tantalising insight into what Eric, my hero , was really like.
In one scene, he tells the postman that he has to stand up to his problems and say "Non". After some feeble attempts, Cantona shouts at him "Say it like you mean it! NON! NON! NON!" All through the trip, since we saw the film, Nicki and I have faced certain situations with a smiling "NON!" - but this time there was no smile and Eric inspired us to avoid a massive bill.
The trailer for the film has the fantastic line. "I am not a man. I am Cantoma." OUI!
